Everybody knows that you don’t call 911 unless you’ve got an emergency…right? Well, not quite, because as you can see from this funny if not infuriatingly dumb list of unbelievable calls that 911 operators have received, some people have a pretty bizarre idea of what exactly constitutes an emergency. From the woman who thought her washing machine was possessed by the devil to the person who urgently needed to know whether it was legal for them to own a monkey, the calls below will make you laugh, and maybe cry a little, when you realize just how dumb some people can be. Don’t forget to vote for your favorite!
Not an operator, but my boyfriend who called in.
He usually worked a late shift, walking home about 2 am. This shift he got off work a few hours late…
BF: I’d like to call and report a fire. [We live in a fire prone area and it was the season.]
911: Where is it located sir?
BF: On the hillside just East of [City].
911: Can you be more specific? [Typing away in the background.]
BF: Yes, [gives a more detailed location]. Oh god, it’s getting bigger! The whole top of the hill is on fire now!
911: Stay calm sir, we’re sending somebody out.
BF: It’s getting bigger! Doesn’t anybody else see this?! It’s lighting up the sky around it…it’s huge! Oh god! Oh…oh, wait…
BF: I am SO sorry…I’m not usually out this time of night, I just got off work late…that’s, that’s the sun…
BF: I am so, so sorry for wasting your time, there is no fire, that’s just the sun rising. Never mind. I’m really embarrassed…
911: That’s fine, Sir. I will cancel the call, thank you for calling.
Had another woman call saying her cat was stuck in a tree. I just knew she wanted the fire department to come save the cat, so I got my “that’s only in movies/TV” speech ready. Then she said “…so my husband climbed up to get the cat and now he’s stuck too.”
A quite pregnant (don’t remember exactly how far along, but definitely past 30 weeks) woman calls to say that her doctor told her to refrain from having sex for the rest of the pregnancy and she didn’t understand why. I looked at her file, and saw she was having pre-term contractions, so I explained that sexual activity can cause contractions, so it was safer to abstain so the baby could stay inside as long as possible.
She tearfully exclaims, “But how will I feed the baby?!?”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, could you repeat that?”
Patient: “How will I feed the baby if I can’t have sex?!?”
The patient was convinced that her baby was living off of her boyfriend’s semen, and that it would starve if they stopped having sex. I explained about the umbilical cord, etc. but she refused to believe me until I asked her about single moms, lesbian moms, etc. and asked how she though their babies fed and grew. After a moment of silence, she thanked me, and started to hang up the phone, but not before I heard her screaming her boyfriends name.
That man had a good thing going for a while there. I honestly wasn’t sure if I felt more sorry for him, or a baby growing up in that household.
Just after I got cut loose from training, I received a priority one (meaning immediate response) animal ordinance call. Usually, this call is reserved for animals in traffic or vicious animals, where there is the potential for immediate threat to life.
The reporting party was a parent attending a school function. Caller advised there was a raccoon loose in the school.
I dispatched two officers to the call and they made it on scene. The officer then broadcasts the “suspect” description via radio. “Suspect is small, fast, and wearing a bandit mask. May have robbed a couple of trash cans. We lost him in a foot pursuit.”
One woman called because she thought her house was being shot at. Turns out she forgot about her eggs boiling on the stove and they exploded. I wanted to give her a hug though, she was just a little old lady.
A woman dialled 999 to say there were men in her house trying to take her away. The men in question were police officers who had come to arrest her
One guy called FRANTICALLY saying that he saw the dead body of a young woman, early 20s, wearing nothing but shorts. He gave a detailed description, hair color, skin color, body position, the whole bit and said she was by the side of the interstate (in the middle of an affluent suburban area at rush hour) so we figured this had to be a really fresh crime scene. We started scrambling together officers to get there ASAP, a big hassle considering it’s rush hour and they’re all dealing with accidents and stuff like that. On top of that, we can’t say what the issue is on the radio is because we have too many busibodies who monitor police radio, then call us to try to get juicy details, or othewise meddle. So we have to get these officers to their cars to read the computer, leaving other issues, etc. And these are suburban cops in the Midwest, a murder is a damn big deal.
The guy calls back a few minutes later. “Uh, I checked again, it’s a dead deer.”
Peeved, I announce on the radio that the trip is cancelled, “it was a deer”. An officer sarcastically calls back: “With shorts on?”
“911, what is the address of the emergency?”
“I need an ambulance”
“What’s going on?”
“I just, I need an ambulance”
“Can you tell me why?”
“My dick is stuck in the wall OKAY?!”
“Please stay on the line for Fire/Rescue”
Once we had a young woman call 911 around 2am saying that her legs were turning blue. Turns out she had worn a new pair of jeans to the club that night.
The best story I have is a guy who called about a bobcat in front of the library. He called up out of breath and said there was a wild cat intimidating people so they could not enter or exit the building.
I was fairly close so I started to run over. I asked if anyone was injured and he said no. I was expecting a group of people held up at the entrance by a huge cat hissing at everyone. I told him to keep away from it and stay on the line.
When I got there I found a tabby cat perched on a bench.
I verified the caller and the cat he called about. I went over to the cat with him and started pet him, he rolled over and let me scratch his belly.
The guy was shocked and said “oh, someone has domesticated it.”
Me: 911, where do you need assistance?
Drunk guy: At the convenient store. This guy won’t sell me beer.
Me: Ok, why not?
Drunk guy: I can’t show him my ID because I am not 21.
Me: Without an ID the clerk can not sell to you, especially if you are under age.
Drunk Guy: But other clerks let me bribe them before. I told him that and he still won’t take my bribe and sell to me. Make him take the bribe!
Me: We won’t force the clerk to accept your bribe. And definitely won’t let him sell to a minor. Do you want to wait there and I can have an officer come talk to you in person?
Drunk Guy: Yea, I will sit outside and wait for you.
One of my personal favorites was someone who called and it went like this:
“I know this is not an emergency, but there is a person in a giant monkey suit running down the road humping all the fire hydrants”
I had to hold back my laughing as best I could – turns out he was right, when I sent the police there there was a kid in a monkey costume humping every hydrant he came across.
Guy who called to swear out a complaint against his roommate because the guy stole his heroin. Yes, they both got a ride.
One time, some guy called 911 because he had multiple women in his bed that he didn’t know and who refused to leave.
I’m not a dispatcher, but back in my EMS days I was dispatched on a call of a child being poisoned. Upon our arrival we find a 14 year old male and his mother. The mother was insisting we take them to the hospital so he could have his stomach pumped because he had swallowed chewing gum. The child was looking at us as if to say, “I’m sorry my mother is crazy.”
One year later, same address, same family, called for poisoning. Upon arrival we find the same kid and mother. The mother wanted to be taken to the hospital because the kid had admitted to his mother that he had taken a hit of marijuana when he was visiting friends the week before. The kid had the same look on his face.
One woman called saying that every time she went outside the frogs said mmm pussy.
“911, what’s your emergency?”
“THERE IS A GODDAMN ROCK ON MY LAWN. A ROCK.”
“Um… A rock?”
“DID YOU NOT F*CKING HEAR ME? THERE IS A ROCK ON MY LAWN. SOMEONE DID THIS ON PURPOSE. A GODDAMN ROCK IN MY LAWN. I HAD TO DRIVE AROUND IT ON MY LAWNMOWER. A GODDAMN ROCK.”
“What’s your address?”
“You’re f*cking 911 and you don’t know my goddamn address? What the f*ck are my taxes paying you for? F*cking useless. Goddamn rock.”
“Sir, what is your address?”
“LOOK AT ME ON GOOGLE EARTH YOU CAN SEE ME BECAUSE THERES A GODDAMN ROCK IN MY LAWN!”
At this point, the map finally correlated with his location and he was in the next county. I let them deal with it. I don’t know how it turned out.
Caller: A deer just swam across the river behind my house.
Caller: Well I am worried it might be cold.
Me:…….Well there is nothing we can do about a deer being cold. Didn’t it run off after swinning the river?
Me: Well ma’am it’s a wild animal and I’d guess it’s going to be fine.
A friend who used to be a police operator once told me she had a hysterical call from a Chinese lady, who was unintelligible but clearly distressed. They sent an officer round, apparently she’d found a hedgehog in her garden and had no f*cking clue what it was – assumed it was an alien or something and freaked out.
“I want to report an attempt murder. I asked them not to put mushrooms on my pizza, as I’m allergic and they forgot, so it’s attempted murder”
Me: “911. What is the address of your emergency?”
Caller: “Turtles…in Georgia”
M: “Yes, ma’am. Turtles are an indigenous species to the state of Georgia.”
M: “Yes, ma’am.”
C: “Huh. Well what do you do when there is one in your yard?”
M: “Leave it alone.”
C: “It’s driving my dogs crazy!”
M: “Is the turtle endangering your dogs?”
M: “Are the dogs endangering the turtle?”
C: “No. They’re on the other side of the fence.”
M: “Well then just leave the turtle alone and he’ll go along on his merry turtle way.”
C: “Ok. I guess so.”
6:30 Christmas morning. 9-1-1 goes off. “9-1-1. what’s your emergency?”
Breathless, panicky voice “How do I get the cranberry sauce out of the can without it coming out in chunks?”
“Open the other end and slide it out on a plate.”
“OH! THANK YOU! You are brilliant!”
I wasn’t considered so brilliant once I had to dispatch an officer over there to educate her on proper 9-1-1 usage. Merry Christmas, here’s your citation.
source: 4 years as 9-1-1 dispatcher/supervisor in rural Alaska
Guy calling to argue that his crystal meth is legal because he made it with store-brought products with his own hard-earned money.
Got a call from a man that someone vandalized his snowman.
Had a guy call asking if it was legal to shoot his neighbor because his hedges were hanging over his property and he considered it tresspassing.
Long story short. Helped a little girl do her math homework.
“I’d like to report a suspicious man, the only description I can give is he is turkish / middle eastern”
Me: “What is he doing that’s suspicious?”
Them: “Walking down my street.”
My mom is a 911 operator, she gets some insanely stupid calls. I remember a few years ago, there was a huge pileup involving several cars and fatalities. Clearly it caused miles of traffic. A woman called 911, insisting that she get escorted out of the traffic by a trooper, because she “had to get home”, and it was “ridiculous that she should be stuck like that”. Like, people are dead, lady, sorry you’re not gonna make it home for Jeopardy.
Also had one a couple of years ago where a dad called to ask for an ambulance because his 17 yr old daughter had a candle stuck up her anus. He tried to explain that she said she had gotten out of the shower and slipped and fell “butthole first” onto the candle… Medics said they found KY jelly with the candle so I think we all know what was going on there.
Entitled rich brat demanding an officer drive her back home because she spent her travel money partying; she felt since her father was a well-known surgeon, and a “higher taxpayer” she should get a break and get a ride. I told her no and hung up on her.
A lady called 911 and asked if I could tell the fire department to pick up a fire and move it a mile or two north so the smoke wouldn’t blow into their housing community.
Someone called 911 about a “machine gun mounted on a car”. It was the Google maps car…
I had someone a few months ago call 911 to ask if a tablespoon was the big spoon or the little one.
Caller: My boyfriend took my dog!
Me: And why’d he do that?
Caller: Because he’s an asshole!
Me: No, I mean what possessed him to take the animal?
Caller: Cause he’s a f*cker!
Me: …… Why does he have the dog…
Caller: Cause he’s a piece of shit!
Me: ……… Alright, I’ll send an officer out to talk to you.
I just cut off my penis, and I’m going to flush it down the toilet before you get here! (He did.)
My uncle was a dispatcher in a suburb of Minneapolis/St.Paul, and would tell me stories whenever I saw him. My favorite goes like this:
Uncle: 911, what’s your emergency?
Caller: Yes, I’d like to report two suspicious vehicles passing something back and forth in Potawatomi park.
Uncle: Ok, we’ll send an officer out to assess.
Uncle: Dispatch to car 45, two suspicious vehicles in Potawatomi park, passing items back and forth.
Car 45: Uhhh…car 45 to dispatch, that’s me and Officer Somethingerother, passing Cheetos…
Because an Arab man had sent her a friend request on Facebook and she wondered if we had a terrorism task force that should know about it.
Caller: Ive been poisoned.
Me: Ok, were sending an ambulance. Tell me what happened.
Caller: Ive overdosed
Me: What did you take?
Caller: Yes. Im dying. Please hurry.
Turns out. She was just super high.
Got a call from a guy wanting the police to come to his address because the guy he sold a bag of weed to wouldn’t pay him
Gave me his name, address and date of birth and the name, address and phone number of the other guy as well.
Both got a visit from unit soon afterwards.
I don’t know if its the dumbest call but one time we had a hostage situation. There was a helicopter in the area circling for several hours. We get nosey neighbor calls wanting to know whats going on, can’t give out any info just tell them to stay inside. So I answer another call, asking about the helicopter. Roll my eyes and give the same speech, the girl asked “but is the helicopter ok? Why does it keep going in circles like that?” She thought they were going to crash land.
Mine: an aggressive goose at a city park that was chasing people and biting them on the butt. So literally a goose trying to goose people.
I have been in the 911 biz for over 22 years. If a caller starts the call with “I swear I’m not crazy” then you need to buckle up for some insanity. A guy started a call with those words after escaping from his apartment and running to the closest 7-11. He swore that his roommates were turning into giant crabs. The was going to show the officers that they were currently in giant cocoons transforming. As you might expect he was tripping balls.
We had an Amber Alert go out; guy stabbed the mother of his children and took the kids. Man calls to complain that the Alert is interrupting his TV and that the father should be left alone because he’s doing a good thing to be with his kids.
“What’s your emergency?”
“MY CAT JUST SCRATCHED ME!!”
“Is it a serious wound? are you bleeding?”
“No, but it really hurt!”
A stolen TV remote.
Fyi, it wasn’t stolen just fell between the couch cushions
I’ve had someone call 911 to wish me a merry xmas when I was working at 3am on on Christmas Morning.
Woman calling to ask where she can get a paternity test done. For herself. I was confused and asked her, to clarify, if she was needing to determine who the father of a child was, she’d have to maybe contact a clinic. No. She wanted to know how can she find out if she was the mother of someone who claimed she gave birth to them. No mental illness, no hysterical pregnancy, she was just dumb.
To say they called the regular line and that girl they talked to wasn’t very helpful (dude it’s still me).
I worked on 9/11. I had people call 911 for weeks after because there were “3 brown guys in a car and I thought you should know about it.”
The funniest non crazy stories was a really rich and affluent guy who lived in a huge house called about a disheveled looking suv at the bottom of his huge driveway and it wasn’t the gardener’s or housekeeping. The cop had to run the tags and it turns out it belonged to his daughter and he had bought it for her.
We had an old woman call in and say there was two guys dress in blue trying to break in her house and rape her. So we send about 6 cops over to her house. It turns out it was the gas company reading her gas meter.
Had a drunk person call to report he was being harassed. Truth was….. He was being arrested by our officers for throwing pizza at people. All I heard in the background was one of my officers saying to him “that better not be our dispatcher on the phone” followed by some muffled talking and my officer taking the phone and saying “he will be taking a ride with us now” and hung up.
Me: 911, Whats your emergency?
Lady: My smoke detector is going off, and I think there is a HAZMAT GOING ON!
Me: Is there fire or smoke in your home?
Me: Is it chirping? Maybe it’s a low battery sound?
Me: Did you damage the detector at all?
Lady: NO!!! I took it off the ceiling, unplugged the hard wires and took out the battery….It’s still alarming!
Me: Ma’am how is that possible? You are telling me that it it’s alarming with no power source…? And what were you mentioning about a Hazmat?
Lady: UGH!!!! THE NUCLEAR POWER SOURCE, DO TO MERCURY INJECTION FROM THE POWER PLANT IN THIS DETECTOR, IS MAKING THIS THING GO OFF! IT WONT STOP! HEAR! HAVE A LISTEN!
Me: ….(hears no sound but her heavy breathing)….
Lady: I WANT TO TALK TO THE KING NUCLEAR EMPORER HOMER SIMPSON OF SPRINGFIELD.
Me: …(Holds mic away from face laughs uncontrollably)…
Lady: HELLO!? SIR!? ARE YOU LISTENING?!?!
Me: Yes ma’am, total emergency, the Fire Department is on the way to help assist you…
Night shift at 911 always got the best calls.
Caller: “I want to file charges against my granddaughters dog.”
Operator: “Why sir, what did the dog do?”
Caller: “Well, I think the dog has been molesting her.”
Operator: “Ok just tell me what happened.”
Caller: “Well I opened the bathroom door last time I was at my son’s house. His daughter is 6 years old and was on the floor, the dog was…licking her in her privates.”
Operator(trying not to laugh): “Sir, are you sure that the dog is the suspect or the victim? It is just a dumb animal, it sounds to me like your grand daughter was taking advantage of it. Either way, I don’t think it’s something the police can handle, I can give you the number for animal control if you want?”
Caller: “You know what, you have a point…”
Operator: “Yes, a 6 year old is definitely more mentally aware than a dog. You should talk to her parents about it, not involve the police.”
Caller: “Oh ok, thanks buddy! Bye!”
“University 911, where’s your emergency?”
“**** Hall parking lot. My car’s frozen over and I broke my scraper! Send Police to help!”
“Sir, this is an emergency line. Are you hurt or in any danger?”
“No, but if I don’t get my car out, the store’s going to run out of iPhones! I need to get into line now!”
Caller: I need an am-ba-lance.
Me: What are you needing the ambulance for tonight?
Caller: I need the am-ba-lance to come out and give me a pregnancy test.
Me: Well, they don’t carry that kind of equipment on board. If you are wanting to have them come get you and take you to the hospital to test you they could.
Caller: I’m not going to the hospital. I want the am-ba-lance to come give me the test.
Me: Well, we don’t carry those tests on our ambulances, they could only take you to the hospi….
Caller: YOU AREN’T LISTENING TO ME! I AM NOT GOING TO THE DAMN HOSPITAL. THE AM-BA-LANCE NEEDS TO COME OUT AND GIVE ME THE TEST!
Me: I don’t think you are hearing me, we don’t have that equipment on board. Why don’t you try going to popular drugstore and just pick up the test there?
Caller: They sell those there? How much are they?
A caller dialled 999 at 04:00 on a Saturday morning and asked: “Where is the best place to get a bacon sandwich right now?”
I was a 911 operator for a year, been in EMS 10 years. Lady called because her cat killer her roommates bird and there was blood and feathers everywhere. She wanted someone to come out and clean it up. She wouldn’t stop calling and eventually got arrested for 911 abuse.
Had a woman call because her “baby” wasn’t breathing, so we gave her instructions to do CPR. Medics got there and found her doing CPR on her dog.
I’ve had someone call 911 because they were lonely. About 1,000 times.
A woman who had seen a clown in London selling balloons for 5 each, which was much more than other clowns were charging
A woman in my town once called 911 because her washing machine was making strange noises and she thought it was possessed by the devil.
I had a man call and complain because his neighbor had a Mexican flag flying above the American flag in his yard. He wanted us to arrest him and take his flags down. I told him we wouldn’t do that, and he asked to speak to the watch commander. He kept calling and reciting the flag code to me. He eventually wanted to complain to internal affairs. I never got the official complaint so I’m sure they didn’t make him happy either.
Man called and asked us if we could dispatch police to his home for assistance. He explains relationship problems so we think domestic.
Officers roll over and respond
Come across approx 15 mins later.
Male requested we break up with his girlfriend for him. We explained to him that we would not. 10-08
Not a 911 operator, but I do work for a kids helpline. I recently got a call from a panicked 11-year-old boy who thought he had locked himself in a wardrobe while home alone. I was on the phone with him for a while before I suggested sliding the door instead of pushing it out like you would when entering or exiting a room. I heard a few sniffles on the other end of the line and then a quiet “Oh yeah, I forgot the door went like that.”
A couple weeks ago a woman called and said she put her daughter in a zero gravity machine to keep her safe and then accidentally shrunk her. She is now between the carpet and the carpet padding and you can see her moving around like a worm underground.
Callers who missed their alarm and were going to be late for a flight wanted officers to take them to the airport.
My dad worked as a dispatcher in the Netherlands, got a call from a man who was clearly very distressed, crying, asking for help.
My dad, being professional, stayed calm and asked what the cause for the distress was:
“Ajax have lost again…”
For those not familiar with football/soccer – Ajax is a Dutch football team.
Last week, we took a call of 8 ufo’s above a house. They were stars.
Me: 911 What’s your emergency
Him: “My Grandma’s really starting to piss me off”
A domestic abuse call, guy playing GTA 5 was severely pissed his wife wouldn’t stop chasing him down and killing him IN GAME. His wife was bigger than him or i’m sure it would have been the real deal.
“My washing machine is telling me to file for bankruptcy.” This was a confused elderly lady so it was actually a little sad, but I’m including it because it left me completely speechless at the time. I think my response was, “I… you… what?”
Woman calling to complain that her McDonald’s triple thick milkshake isn’t thick.
My neighbour’s sprinkler is on and it’s getting MY lawn wet….. I wish I was kidding
Hello? How do you baste a turkey?
This is 911, ma’am, what is the nature of your emergency?
I need to know how to baste a turkey!
Basically you spoon the drippings back onto the top to help keep it moist. Why did you call 911 to ask that?
Well, you knew, didn’t you?
The most favorite call I’ve ever had was this woman calling because the lady in front of her at the church’s chicken drive thru was taking too long to place her order.
She called 911. Her emergency was that she was trying to get chicken.
“The neighbor is giving my horse drugs.” – 0500 or earlier, every. Single. Day. Usually followed up about an hour later by: “It’s crack!”
One that happens more than you would think is parents calling asking help from the police to help parent their child. “I need someone here to tell my son/daughter to do their homework/take a bath/wake them up/make them go to school.”
I had a caller who said she witnessed a car accident. I took all the information (location, vehicles involved, etc). Just before I dispatch PD she tells me that she saw it in her dream the night before. She took a trip to the psych ward of the hospital.
“911 what is your emergency?”
“I have an intruder in my house.”
“Okay, what is your address?”
“It’s a bird.”
I had a lady call 911 because she saw whales in the ocean and thought they were in distress.
Called to investigate ‘puppies whining inside a Chinese food restaurant’…There were no puppies.
I’ve had someone call 911 in a rural community because a black dude was walking down the street and “we don’t get their kind here”.
Had a lady trying to call an ambulance because she opened a package from Amazon at home and she was afraid that that her kid was about to have a major allergic reaction… From the packing Peanuts…. because the kid was allergic to peanuts, and when her kid mentioned what they were called, she freaked out.
A man called to say his 50p coin was stuck in a washing machine at his local launderette and wanted police to retrieve it
A woman reported “either a fox or a werewolf” standing on a street corner.
One woman called sobbing because the snow plow filled in the end of her driveway that she just shoveled.
“I was watching porn, and a window popped up telling me the FBI locked my computer for viewing child porn.”
“There are some kids hanging around on the street!” “What are they doing?” “They’re just stood around talking!” “… … …” “Well, what are you going to do about it?”
Female caller asking on 911 where she could find crack in her neighborhood. According to her there was a crack shortage in town and she was coming up empty everywhere. Calltaker asked for her location, she gave it with no hesitation (she was standing about a block away from our dispatch center) and PD promptly picked her up for public intox.
“911, what’s your emergency?”
“Yeah, I ordered chicken wings for delivery like an hour ago. Now the pizza place is closed and they won’t answer the phone. They stole my money!”
“Sir, did you call 911 because of missing chicken wings?”
A grown man called at 2am once to report that he saw a cat running around outside and he thought it was a little too cold out and instead of stopping to try and get the cat himself, he wanted first responders to send out a search party.
She called 911 because she lost her phone… in her house… and wanted me to call it so she could find it. Apparently she was borrowing a friend’s phone that could only make emergency calls.
“911 what is the location of your emergency?”
“Oh, this isn’t an emergency.”
Suspicious Hispanic males in the alley. Complainant (person calling 911) is very nervous and upset, thinks they’re casing the neighborhood to burglarize houses because it’s a nice area.
I get there.
It’s a bucket truck. From the power company. Replacing a transformer. Employees were all uniformed.
They were Mexican, though, she was right about that.
I asked them if someone had been watching them through the blinds (she was), told them why I was there, we all laughed and I went back to work.
“My neighbor is watering her lawn, and it’s not her day to water the lawn.”
One woman called 911 saying all of her smoke alarms were going off and her garage smelled funny.
Okay get everyone out of the house. Do you know why your garage smells funny?
No but I started my car and left all the doors shut.
People call several times a day about squirrels in their yard. Not even squirrels that are acting weird, just squirrels.
Someone called because the sand at the volleyball court was too hot. It was 80 degrees out. I never really did figure out what exactly they wanted me to do about it.
A guy called hoping we could go in and recover his bondage equipment from a friend’s house after that friend died.
I’ve had someone call 911 to ask what the fines for parking tickets are.
“How far down is it snowing?” All the way to the ground, now get the f*ck off my emergency line!
EMT here, I once responded to a man in his mid to late sixties lights and siren. On arrival instead of finding him experiencing abdominal pain like he told the dispatcher he simply had an itchy belly. I get that it itches and that sucks, But do you honestly think this is a good reason to occupy an emergency ambulance? Not only did he make us take him to the ER but asked why we weren’t driving with the lights on. Good thing stupid isn’t contagious.
Had a woman call 911 because she saw someone driving down the road with his foot out the window. She was following him the whole time, and admitted he had his seatbelt on, wasn’t texting or speeding, he just had his foot out the window.
She wanted the police to pull him over, to which I had to explain he wasn’t breaking any laws.
She couldn’t comprehend that driving with your foot out the window is not illegal, and proceeded to hang up on me, then call 911 again because apparently I didn’t know the law and she NEEDED someone to stop this man. We connected her to a deputy who told her if she didn’t stop calling 911 for stupid reasons he was going to ticket her for abuse of emergency communications.
Toe pain at 3am on a Saturday night.
A man who did not have change for a parking machine claimed staff at a car park had kidnapped him because they were refusing to let him out for free
A man called 999 as he was advised to call 111 but did not know the number
Not me but a family member who was a dispatcher for 20+ years: Someone called in because a kid (5-6 or so) had somehow gotten locked inside a newspaper box- you know, the kind with a window on the front that lets you see the front page. One of the responders spent a bit of time wondering aloud how they were going to break the “window” on the box without harming the kid.
After a minute or two of this, a different responder put forth the suggestion that perhaps they should try inserting a couple of quarters first. It worked. Box opened, kid got out and was fine, and no paper boxes were harmed.
You took my husband to the hospital, but you left his dog here and now it has to pee. You need to come take it out. I can’t walk outside.
“There’s a sophomore here, and I think he’s too drunk.”
“Do you think he has alcohol poisoning? Is he conscious and alert, breathing?”
“Umm….he’s breathing and stuff, he just, he — can’t get on the toilet.”
“I’ve been watching him for the last 30 minutes. He keeps trying to get on the toilet, and….failing.”
“Okay then, I’ll send you an ambulance.”
“It’s kind of entrancing. He’s trying SO HARD and he just can’t get on top of it.”
One was the pregnant lady who INSISTED I wake up the on-call (chief of OB/GYN at the hospital was on call that night) because she had itchy nipples. Itchy f*cking nipples. But because I’m not medically trained, if the patient says it is an emergency, I have to page it. He was NOT happy with me.
I had someone call to see if the fire department could try a kite out of a tree. She was persistent because the kite cost $200.
Paramedic here. We responded to a call for a woman that ate a jalapeno and her mouth hurt. Upon arriving at the scene, we got cancelled because she ate some bread and drank milk.
Elderly lady calls 911, she asks what happened, why was it dark, where was the sun. You could hear the anxiety and concern in her voice. It was like 3am. It took some back and forth before he finally explains it’s the middle of the night. She actually realizes what’s up and apologizes for calling.
“80 y/o male, took an ambien and feels drowsy” at around 2 am. We came, tucked him in, went home.
Caller: Hi! I’d like to report a roberry. I was just over at the Wendy’s drive-through where I ordered a double. Well, I just got home and found out they gave me a single. I want you to send the Police out to arrest them for theft of a hamburger patty.
“Was that an earthquake?”
911 responder (paramedic) here. 3am 911 call for unknown medical aid, lights and sirens. Upon arrival, what’s wrong sir? “I can’t sleep!” So you want to go to the hospital? “No, can you give me something to sleep? I just started a new sleeping pill tonight and it’s not working.” No sir, we can only take you to the hospital. We’re not a mobile pharmacy. “Oh, then never mind, you can leave. I’ll just call my doctor in the morning.”
Guy pulled up in a car and asked another guy for money. So guy have him $40. Guy then drove away with the money. Guy called saying he’d been robbed, because he expected the guy to give the money back…
My mom works as a 911 operator. She got a call one time from a girl in gym class at the local high school. She was in a panic and completely serious saying there was a squirrel on top of a telephone pole at the school and it wasn’t coming down.
I’ve had someone call 911 to know how long to smoke a brisket.
Just got off work and the last call of the night was a group of college girls running back and forth around their apartment from a possum, squealing (the girls, not the possum). I’ve heard people get stabbed to death and make less of a fuss.